Lost..

It's long time.. i'm dissapear.. Because i don't know what should i say.. Should be many, but all is bad stuff i think you should not wanna tonlistening..

But there is something serious happen, last weekend, someone is call me, and tell me his dad is pass away, someone is close with me, his name you maybe don't know, but another name you maybe remember, hermit.. His dad, just pass away last weekend, and i'm feel pain when i'm look on him, he look terrible, but as a friend i dont know what i suppose to do to made him feel better..

It's too sudden, no sick, no pain, and just gone after few minute.. I'm was scared, what is that terrible feel like, what if i'm lost someone important of my life, should i able to handle it..? Sigh.. Our life time is ready to move on next step, i guess it's time to get ready for any lost..

And only thing can do right now is only stay long time with them if we can.. It's almost new year, and wish the 2016 will be better and happiness year.. And i wish you healthy, happy every single moment.. Remember to drink more water yea, it's terrible weather, and you not budak le, it's time to become people wife or a mama.. Hehe.. Good night dummy, i'm ok, don't worry about it.. Cha~~~

Page 63,
02:18a.m,
By Yht

November

Hey.. How you doing..? =]

Sometimes i hope i dare to text you a simple message like that, but still not happen.. Still not the time to step inside your world again.. Current days, a trouble made me feel very down.. I stand on a awkfull position.. Between me, and my dad.. As you know, i'm work for him since im end my secondary school.. Until now, i'm feel wanna to leave, because i'm feel very sad because i'm the one forever wrong on the job.. Why, why i the one whose only wrong and he are always right..?

I feel my life is terrible, no money, no job, and no happy.. sigh, still the same, always complain on you, i'm sorry.. Macam since you knew me, i am never tell you any good news right..? Heh.. What a terrible man i am.. Almost 30 years old, and nothing sucess.. I though i'm good, but the life proof that what the successful i'm did is lying myself with quite sucess.. I got a terrible November days.. I feel bad, sorry dumb2.. Always complain.. =] Good Morning..

Page 62,

Morning 07:13a.m.

By Yht..

Education

"No matter how poor we are, but we can made poor on education"

Im always heard from old man said that, and there is let me feel so.. so.. meaning about that.. But what really is the right meaning of those sentence..? For me, is.. is..

Education, is that really mean of a student has to made A level on every final score..? Every parent do hope their children can get the high score they can, but for the effect is improve the pressure of a children, righy..? A primary school first level children, need to bring a school bag same like a travel luggage.. Is that education..?

"Effect a life with life"
I'm heard this from a movie, a good teacher, not has to contain a high grade knowledge, is contain a good heart.. From a movie "五个孩子的校长", long time i'm din't feel so touch from a movie.. It make me remember my kindergarden life, got a cute headmistress, drive with a bettle car, bring us to kindergarden, teach us what we should have, a good heart with good help.. And there im first time kiss a girl hand, lol.. 

Children, i'm always agree they are the most creative human in the world, just they can agreed by adult that only because what they made is not adult wan't for.. Sigh, my neive, have the most pure smile on her face, but my nephew, i'm so hard to saw him smile like his sister.. Is that true..? Semakin grow up, semakin unhappy, is it..?

"Most pure smile, most pure kid"
Hope in the future, my next generation can smile like that.. Sorry dummy, always complain everything on you.. Good night and sweet dream yea =] soli..

Page 61,
Midnight 12:53a.m.,
By Yht..

21th September 2015.. Hapi Birthday =]

There is it, the big day of you =)" Long time i din't make you gift, i'm know that is not a great and pretty one, but all i can do is only that, and all i know to do..

It's 2 years..? or more..?Since that happen, sigh.. No matter what happen, all i hope is you know that if you think the world is abandon you, but i'm still not yet, like what you said, never say goodbye..

I put this on my facebook, the secret place, but i don't know you can open it again or not >< Sorry about that, and this is the work i'm done, and hope you will like it, because it cause me lot of time, it not prefect, but it good for memory ><

Oh yea, important thing, Happy Birthday yea, old again =) When did you become people ei wife sia.. Remember that, old liao lorh, don't so jahat liao lo, and remember don't sikit sikit hal punch people.. Not all people like the way you sayang =] 

Okay lah, wish you Hapi Birthday, and the smile, happiness and all the best thing will follow you, forever and ever, just like digi did.. "I will follow you, follow you ever where you go"..

Happy Birthday dummy, sorry din't give you better memories.. =]"
(I not sure can mobile see that video or not.. If can't, hope if you have chance can use the computer check it =], or let it bah, not a big deal.. Please understand and forgive =])

Page 60,
Midnight 01:02a.m.
By Yht..

The hidden one

Too much thinking on today, feel very down and miss someone should not be, but there is just happen.. and im wondering did we can forgot the feeling to someone..?

Sometimes im will asking myself, what if, i dont tell you everything, what if, you and me just pretend nothing happen, and the last, there is actually dint have what if, only fact..

Current times, lot of time i will ask myself a silly quest, what im will feel if i saw you and him.. Turn back and run..? Nah.. for sure, i dont know and cant imaging it..

You know im like to thinking, sometimes will over it, lot of time i will think something will be hurt we both, so i will not keep going on.. What i suppose to say, if you know there actually exist the one whose we cant love for.. 

Today was a bad day, many bad feel crash my heart, i know that clearly, i though already put down sometimes, but if something connect with it, the switch is on again, just depend how long i can stay..

Sigh, dont know what i saying too.. Just take care, even if im hope to ask you by myself, but i do know cant do that, if there something we can do, i hope that is you can caring your self very nice.. Drink much water, haze is here.. And please dont go out on 16th SEPT. 2015, if really do, should accompany with him.. Okay, should be sleep with this late time, good night dummy, take care..

Page 59,
Midnight 04:39,
By Yht..

Should be ok.. Is it..?

Should we say that everything is ok..? This morning i supose be okay and won't feel anything weird again, but don't know how, or someting did really made me feel bad..

Are you feel before, something should not happen before on me, but you actually do know how that feel..? I do remember i din't dream anything of you last night, but what made me feel bad is did i really no..? If that true why i'm will have some part of memory surround on my mind..? I can't remember what happen but i only know that is not good happen, i feel pain, and sad from the memory.. What going on..?

Sigh, maybe is my head going boom out.. Few more day and that is the day of angel born to the world, i wish this dumb2 angel is happiness and happy forever.. Remember carry on your mask due on the haze falling to the town, and drink much water please.. Take care your self that is the first desk of your mission.. Okay lah, pray to the god, you will belong to the hapiness fairy, and smile forever.. =)" everything gonna be fine, should be.. Right..?

Page 58,

Morning 11:44a.m.

By Yht..

Bersih.. 4.0? 5.0? 6.0?

A simple question, what do Malaysia need..? Answer: unknown.. Sigh, a lot of people tell me, don't care what the convocation will bring to us, just do it.. So many years, many times, i'm try to figure out what exactly human is.. And i'm still can't know very well.. Greeding..? Selfish..? Or Kindness..?

When people ask me go join the Bersih 4.0, i say nope i'm din't going, i saw what happen next, i know what happen next, a people tell me before, why you still fighting if you know you are always winning..? I wish i got a greatest wisdom to know what our country need, what can save our country, and how to let people know we all is same type, no matter what colour we still is human, why need to rule a country with race..

I don't have much power, all i hope is human can live with kindness and sharing, sigh.. Even if i'm hope mr.najib a.k.a Chicken PM can get the lesson what he should get, but more i'm hope is the way to save our Malaysia, to let Malaysia be a great, and a sucessfull country..! 

Page 57,
Noon 19;26,
By shamefull Yht..

Hate..

Sometimes i thought i'm not understanding about humanity, but i'm do understand, it not easy to accept but true.. Humanity, is ugly, more that kindly..

I'm read a story before, that teach me a good lesson, that is caring someone is a double edge, it will made love, and also made hate.. Most of them will choose hate, just because they know the other way is hard and suffer, but they just dont know actually they are walking the harder part.. Sigh..

Thailand, i'm just did watch a video, before that attack is happen, i'm hope so much i can told those people run, just run.. But what i can only do is watching the video and saw that happen.. From the Thailand official news, the bommer is revenge of the last time of Thailand political happen, all he did just because he hate the goverment of Thailand, and what he choose the way to revenge is hurting somebody innocent, what kind of life is that..?

I know we can't recover what is happen, but i still hope, share, share my heart, my feel to everyone i'm knew, include you, save one better than do nothing, right..? More people know that care, not only will create hate, is also create love, please, love our life, our friend and family life, there is what human should do, that is what human stand for..

Sigh, a terrible year, please, give me strength, to believe human, is still have kindness.. Good night dumb2, it.. half of August already, too fast..

Page 56,
Midnight 03:13a.m,
By Yht..

Racist..

Racist, this word is appear since long time ago, what happen of today on Malaysia, i do feel uncomfort and sadness, human keep saying they are better, greater than last time, but they forever can't get clear actually they are no much different that older time..

What we always talking about anything happen just hand to the laws, laws is the defence of a country, but what happen of today, is human beyond on laws, human fight with their fist, human hurt each other with the same thing we use to make friend, HAND..

Why..? Why human is no much different than animals when they saw something look different with them, they will hurt the another life when they think that is not own kind.. Or we are more worst than animals..? Animals hurt other kind just because they need food supply, and we do hurt people just because we need took something from people and not because we need that to supply our life keep move on..? What actually human is..? Devil, Demon..? 

We been tell, teach since we are children, we do respect people, we can't hurt people, but when we are grow, what we do is exacty different with what we learn, we hated, hurting different kind people, we do not respect people when we saw another colour of people, we think people are cheap and low grade than our kind.. 

Since im grow, got a question im was hate to answer, that is "You chinese/malay/indian..?", what im reply to people is, im chinese, from Malaysia, but im prefer you call me, Malaysian.. Because from my heart deeply part, im do understand, we are human, no matter what colour of our skin, we all is same, we got same colour of blood, bone and even with our organ is same.. We do live on earth, we do breathing with oxygen.. Why, we must hurt other just because we are not same colour of skin, WHY!? 

Dummy, im feel sad of Malaysia, i feel unhappy to saw what people did on LowYat, i do hate i dont have the power to change people mind, i do hate i dont have a ability to help people understanding we are human, we are same.. I feel sad, i finally understand what mean of "How sad you are, if you know that you got the ideology but you dont have those power to do it", dummy, is that is neutral of humanity..? What kind of this highly intelligent life if that is really what human is.. Sigh, night dumb2, night..

Page 55,

Midnight 01:57a.m.

By Yht..

Ever.. Never..

I dont know how to start this page.. Even in my heart there is very much thing hope to share with you but when im trying to write it all, i just know actually im dont know how and where should i begin..

Many thing is happen, let me feel tired and very down.. Even make me feel hopeless, helpless and meanless.. People will keep thinking something more when they are helpless, include me, i am a human too, right..?

Athough there is many happen, let me feel the life of human is weak, is tiny, and is funny.. No matter how strong we pretend and actually we just is great acting.. I dont know how long this bad mood im will holding, all i know is just write down for let you know, im actually understand you are here, for listen my "cheong hei" speech..

Thank you, and Good night, sweet dream with missing you..

Page 54,
Midnight 02:23a.m.
By Yht..

Dream..

Dream.. Sometimes it's good; sometimes it's bad..

In good we call that sweet dream; in bad we said that nightmare.. What if that dream is half half..? What should we call it..?


Inside the dream, i saw a girl, i can't saw her face, where she from, but i do know her.. I did.. know who she is..

We talk much, she told me, how happy she felt, how sad she felt, how bad she felt, we do, talk much.. We share, we laugh, we feel each other, and we walk away, on a beautiful way, cover by tall and big tree, both side.. We just keep walking..

Infront the house, we know that is time we should separate.. The car is come, i don't know how it appear, i don't know what happen.. I open my eye....

That.. is just.. a dream.. a dream.. Yea.. is only a Dream.. Good night..

Page 5..3,
Midnight 04:28a.m.,
By Yht..

How do you do..?

Check back the history.. Most of time i was writing about my self, and less did really care how are you.. Been long time, and sometimes i was thinking, it's unfair because you can read my mind thinking and i can't read your.. And i will also did think will you did something like me..? Write a private blog and waiting visitor..? 

This page i guess is really want to ask you.. Hey dumb2, how do you do..? Did you still live in KL..? How your job..? Your study..? And how is your relationship..? Did you feel down anymore..? Did you feel upset when no one supporting you..? And do you still always eat the junk food..? You know what you never will eat veges because you are fried food machine.. Always only eat that fried food.. Hmph.. Never listen my one.. And do you, drink many2 water..?

Up that question, sometimes will come out my mind, sometimes will not.. It's June.. And around one and half year we been lost contact to each other.. Never say goodbye huh.. Yea, so do i.. Good night and sweet dream.. Miss you..

Page 52,
Midnight 01:08a.m.
By Yht..

Politicals..

Lot of people in Malaysia, they are always try to escape the topics of politic.. Is they is scare to face it, or they thinking that is really not their business..? Sigh..

Today i'm read those news, know that our PM said KWSP and KWAP was buy the share from that BRIM co. I wonder how come they dare to say that excurse for just because the BRIM got the guarantee from the govement so that they buy their bond.. Even if a idiot person will know that if a company starting just 2-3 years and already make the lost of billion that is really a suck company at all, how come they still will try to burn more 31 billion for them.. And that is our all citizen working so hard to put on that KWSP, just for guarantee our still can survive even if our old.. 

I'm feel so sad dumb2, i don't know how to fight for our future.. They said don't lost hope, but what is the point if we are fighting for a hopeless battle..?

Can't sleep since April, i'm feel much pressure, make me feel heavy and hard.. What is justice be.. Sigh.. Sorry for the negative post.. Take care and sleep well, Good Night..

Midnight 04:27a.m.,

Page 51,

By Yht..

My current feel.. 2015 April..

Malaysia, i love this country, is my homeland.. But living here is very hard, many of my relatives are moving to nearly country just because there are giving more income.. Sometimes i'm feel hopeless on this country, hopeless for my generation, my future even my life.. Just i'm haven lost hope from my ability..

What is luckily for me is, even if i'm unhappy, upset i can still blam everything at here, at least you will know a fella still alive.. Sometimes i'm thinking what if you are unhappy, just because my selfish cause you lost a tree hole to complain your bad mood.. I'm "dui hmm ju"..

Don't know what happen, i feeling this year are moving quite fast, already May, few more month will be you this dummy birthday.. =) Semakin old we are huh.. The passed few days i'm will think about you sometimes, maybe there is because you're the VIP for me, hope you still happy and dumb larh..

Okay larh, there is, if you really still need a shoulder or a tree hole, i guess you can text me =| if you dare.. Hahahaha, ok lurh, take care yea.. Remember the healthy is your treasure..

Page 50,

Afternoon 14:13,

By Yht..

what is human be..?

Sometimes, you though u're been trained very tough, actually you just success to keep the weak on the deep, i can even lie to myself i'm already unbreakable, but there is just a lie..

When you feel weak, but there is no one to share, there is a terrible bad feeling.. I can't find someone i can tell everything without any hide.. All i can do is only keep lie to myself and act to be strong.. Why people can't share something without sharing with mind..

I'm watch something, a word let me remind how funny we was last time, banana.. You always ask me to do something you can't read or can't find in chinese, and i'm need you be my dictionary book.. Already 10years ago..

If life was short, why i'm still has to care, but i'm still care.. I'm afraid the future, i don't know what will i become, the country we stay are falling, and what i can do is nothing.. Nothing more.. 

Page 49,
10:45a.m.
By Yht..

Life.. what is life for..?

Receive a bad news at morning, one of my friend's dad was pass away, feel quite down.. Is it the time for start to accept the fate for someone will really leave our life time..?

Not young anymore, and someday someone which important to us will still leaving our life, i'm try to cheer up my friend but i know it's quite hard time and need stay quite strong.. Can i do that if that was me..?

Life, was short, we do know, but when we start to care whose in our life..? The answer is always when they are leaving only we notice to care, but it's already too late.. Right..?

I know someday, i will be the one whose will face all of this, im only hope im did have the brave to take care everything and everyone.. And now we all can do is only do care much and much for whose important to us.. Life, was really short.. 

The another night, the sky was dark and star less.. Good night and sweet dream =']

Page 48,

Midnight 03:05,

By Yht..

When i'm was miss someone..

Do you tried before, feel quite unhappy, upset and down after wake up..? I feel that sometimes, and today.. That kind of feel made me lazy, dizzy, and very very down.. Last time when i'm feel unhappy i know that you will knock my screen and chit chat with me.. Just this time is already different..

Maybe live too hard, make me feel so tired, maybe there is the time to let myself take a break, sit down and enjoyable the roadside landscape.. After CNY, i know sometimes you has to accept the gone of the greatness moment, only that you will create and treasure the best thing you have now..

I will still think about you sometimes, there maybe i'm still not really put it down, even i though i'm already put down.. Sometimes i will still miss you, someone means a lot for me.. Sigh, fate.. was really playing us bad..

How you doing..? Already 1 year above, did you really go Uni and keep move on your knowledge journey..? =) memang admit you got so much emergy to study hard.. The weather become raining day, try put an umbrella on your car, and drink much water please, you know your self are the one whos always drink less amd eat ton of fried food..

Okay la, time to bed, good night and sweet dream dumb2, miss you.. still..

Page 47,

Midnight 02:09a.m,

By Yht..

Chinese New Year..

Another year, sometimes i'm will thinking, what is love.. I guess it simple, when you saw that person you do love, her smile, happiness, you will thankful..

So fast already 2years, did you get back to hometown..? Tomorrow i will going to Kuantan, family trip, long times din't travel since i'm finish my student life.. =) exited!

The wish of this year i hope all my family, relatives, and friend can be happy forever, healthy and hapinnes.. Also wish dummy you always smile lo, hehe.. I was thinking when i'm driving home just now, do we can be what we do like last time, but actually the answer is no matter what happen between us, i still believe you and i is unbreakable, =) The best of the love is not keep moving into each other life, is create the best memory to each other mind.. I do believe this =)

Okay lah, happy Chinese new year dummy, gong hei fatt coi, and same as usual, angpao i keep for you sin, next time satu kali bagi all to you =) Gong Xi Fatt Cai~!

Page 46,
Midnight 03:06a.m.
By Yht..

without reason..

Today abit different.. Can't remember how many times was think about you, without any reason any sign, just will suddenly your face come up to my brain.. People said that if you suddenly feel someone, that mean the people was miss you too, i take it as a joke =]"

Sometimes i was thinking how long i din't writing after the last page, or will you still read it..? But i guess i will not try to find the answer, because that is not the matter..

Already one year and more, and that is CNY again soon, remind me some foolish thing we do before, when we are still living happiness in our game.. Just a memories, i know that..

How are you..? Another busy years huh..? hopr that you are always carry smile face just like last time you always did =] sometimes people should hide something into heart, something we din't hope people know and we do lazy explain too =[ Wish you have a great sleep, good night and sweet dream dummy.. Good night..

Page 45.

Midnight 0100,

By Yht..

Sometimes.. Something..

Sometimes.. I will ask my self, did i put it down, or not..? Answer is no, not yet.. 2015, just pass another year, many thing already change, sometimes i will think do that you feel pain too..? When remind what i'm did to you.. 

Sometimes.. I will ask my self, should i text you ask how about you..? Even if i know should not to do it, but sometimes the mind is control by something else.. Luckily is i'm din't do that..

Something will made me remind what we did last time, and many much memories we create for each other, in the future i'm still take that as a treasure..

2014 is really not a good year, many of my friend pass a suffer life, and i can do only nothing for them.. I do know those feel and i'm was feel that hope the terrible feel will never go for you.. I don't know will that made me crazy or not if i'm saw you in that suffer much and i can do nothing only..

Don't know why, human life must be someone step in and someone else leaving.. Even if i know many thing was not prefect, but i'm still felt bad much.. Sigh.. I'm sorry always no bring you good news, and telling you that bad news always.. Good night and sweet dream..

Page 44,

Night 23:45,

By Yht..